Flip Side.

One Foot In Front Of The Other.

In two weeks, I will leave Boston for Chicago and begin my new career with The Second City. I have wanted this for so long that if you asked me "what's next for you", I would have no answer or, I would rattle off a list of house hold chores I need to get done before I go.

I guess going to college would have been helpful in situations like this.. Not because I think a person can gain anything from spending thousands of dollars to learn how to be some nameless employee but, I would have gotten a copy of "Where The Sidewalk Ends", which, I'm sure hold all the secrets a lady needs to continue to make the wisest choice.

I'm sad to go but, I am ready. I set out to be a comedian in the 7th grade, after I developed a crush on Mike Myers (it happens). I vowed to myself that I would someday walk where he walked. Better late than never. Thank you to all the people that got me here. That pushed me, comforted me, made me laugh, picked me up and loved me. It was something I set off to do for myself but, everyday, I realize I am doing this for you too.

7th Grade.

I am sitting here updating my IPod...loading it with songs...and listening to songs I loved when I was in the 7th grade. 'Round the Way Girl"...I can remember listening to this and thinking: "this is what I gotta do in order to get me a man" and "this is what a man is going to think about, when he falls in love with me"...P.M. Dawn's "I'd Die With Out You", I had my first kiss to this song in Brian Jones' chicken coop which, should be noted, is visible from where I sit right now. Well, not the chicken coop but, the patch of dead grass where it sat for 70 years. There are parts of that night that will never be remembered by me again but, I get vivid flashes every now and then...dinner candles all lit, a small tape deck, 90's slow jams, and "Luck With Money" room spray, it made the coop smell like a Jolly Rancher. When the P.M. Dawn song came on, I said to myself, this is the best possible song to make this happen to. I looked at him, he looked at my mouth and he kissed me, it was awful. He gave me his baseball jacket and I walked home.
"I Want To Sex You Up" was the soundtrack to every sleep over in the 7th grade. We all smelled like Eternity perfume and Checkermint gum and dressed up in Guess shirts and Girbaude jeans Or "Compliments" as we called them for some unknown reason. We would all pile into my attic bedroom, and make prank phone calls to boys we loved...
There was one night, I sprayed an entire can of Glade over my best friend, we were laughing so hard, we almost passed out. I know realize that the fumes from the Glade probably made us high...Later on that night I got my head stuck in a fold out couch.
We would eventually get around to writing our "boyfriend's" name on a piece of paper and burning it over the toilet, in order to either rid ourselves of pining over him or to make him love us more...
My walls covered in Wayne's World posters, I had one poster hidden, it was of Charlie Sheen boy, was I wrong about him.

Oh 7th grade, I miss you more and more each day.
Love Ky.

Gender.

In general, I feel talking about gender should be a dead issue. There are real problems in the word, problems with out answers, like AIDS and war and the need for clean water.
However, I just watched a video on Youtube that showed all these men (mostly from fox news) talking about Hillary Clinton and how she isn't fit for the Oval Office. They give many reasons, PMS, she's ugly, she's a nag, she has cleavage...It really upset me but, that's what it is supposed to do.
Now, this is where I stray from the Boobie Brigade...what's better, making a video that contains a constant berating of women, even if it for the greater good of "the cause" or, should we be making videos that promote women? I say, the only way to battle the negative is with a positive, remain in the center.
The clip made me feel powerless, hopeless, proud, angry...the kind of emotions that send me to bed to hide from the world. I don't need to hear negative remarks, I don't need to know what I can't do. I need to know what I can do.
In a way, this situation can be seen in the same way we viewed the attacks of 9/11...O.K., I get it, it might sound dramatic but, everyone kept saying, if we give in to the fear, then "the terrorists have won". I would feel comfortable saying that the men from FoxNews are gender terrorists, if we give in to them, they have won.
It's sad to think that these are men that were raised by women, taught by women, loved by women and given life's privileges by women. Do they have no recollection? If they believe that their own mothers could not be capable of making the correct choices, then what do they believe about themselves? If they were raised by women, from what they say, they were raised by a person that is unfit to make decisions...Hmmm, self hate anyone? Now the Numbers:
Number of Violent acts committed in a year By women: 1 in 77,000.
Committed by men: 1 in 8,700
Men commit 13 million violent acts a year while women commit 2.1 million violent acts a year.
Other things: Men lead the pack when it comes to rape, genocide mass and serial murders.

So, if the question is: Are women fit to run for office? and the Answer is: "no, because their hormones make them prone to rash decision."
Then are we to blame the holocaust, Jonestown and Rwanda on testosterone?

We would never do that, it would be an insult to lives lost.
Gender makes no difference in our ability to choose between right and wrong.

I will finish up by saying, I love men. I love most of the men I know...They are all different, from violent to gentle, crude to refined...In fact, I do not like women that hate men. I feel like guys are more honest and open with how they feel, while they typically may not express their feelings as often as the ladies, they don't seem to hide as much from the world.

Oh, MLK...where are you when we need you?

Thinking About It.

What do you do when you are at, what could be, the most important crossroad of you life?
I am confused right now and I don't really know what's next for me.
I want to make all the right moves but, now, I am not alone, I have other people to think about...am I the right one?
I don't know.
I hate not knowing anything, especially when it's me that has the answers...
Where do I find the answers? Are they hidden somewhere in my frontal lobe, waiting for the right chemical reaction to fire the neurons that send the answer floating to the side of the brain that I think with?
I am not able to express my real feelings and I know I need to right now. What is it that I want?

How do you make the right moves? How do you know they are right? How bad can the wrong move be?

I need plutonium...ASAP!!!

The Pixies take me back to my early 20's. Every time I had a crush on someone, it seemed they would stroll in to the bar when ever one of their songs started up on the juke box.
We all hung out at Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square, it was filthy, and smokey, all the food was flat enough to slide under a door, and we drank out weight in Sexy-Sexies every single night of the week. No matter what, we would all end up there at the end of the night, like a tree house for drunks. I also worked there, all my time was spent sitting next to David Mammet .
Even the mention of the name: "CHARLIE'S", sends a flood of memories rushing into my head...
1.) Making out with a guy in a top hat after using maraschino cherries to draw in my sketch book.
2.)Barfing in the bathroom, getting slapped in the ass on the way back to my seat, grabbing the guy by the back of the head and giving him a big-barfy-french kiss and saying:"thanks for objectifying me, how's my lunch taste?"
3.)Feeding all the lobsters in the tank because I felt bad, and finding out they all died the next day because they pooped all over the tank and it had to be cleaned.
4.) Dancing on a table to "Love is A Battlefield" with an old guy in a tuxedo.
5.)Spraying a table full of Harvard kids with the soda gun during "Rolling on the River".
6.)having to use the men's bathroom and reading "The Charlie's waitresses are cool angels" on the stall door.
7.)I once waited on AC/DC and had no idea, they were so nice to me.
8.) I watched Iggy Pop eat a pink pulled pork sandwich.
9.)I tackled a man stealing from the cigarette money...
10.) I saw a man take out a tooth in order to eat a plate of spaghetti...he tried to throw it in the trash, he missed and then some one stepped on it and you could hear it drag across the floor...
11.) listening to Faith No More's version of Easy Like Sunday Morning...millions of times.
12.) The Boys: tj, Andy, Sean Jones, Haskell, Chris Olds, Mike Mac Donald, Brent, Tony, Will, Brian Murry and the Black Russians, Sean, Lil' B, Charlie...
13.) The Girls: Drummy, Annemarie, Kelley, Brenda, Jenn, Helen, Angie, Carley, Dana, Larissa...

You could always count on a few things: your friends were there, the place smelled bad, the double cheese burger was only 3 bucks and you were going to have the best time ever.

Free time = Free Times...

Right now, I have no day job. I like it...My old job was killing my soul and I found it in my best interest to leave. However, not with out drama. Upon my second to last day, I was told, "you have tomorrow off"...I questioned it and was re-assured that the day was mine...All mine.

That was not the case and, I may have been fired on my last day of work...Not impossible. Part of my charm is that I hate working...I mean I really hate it...I have had some really cool jobs, I worked for Clear channel/Broadway in Boston. I got to go to every single musical and play that came to Boston, followed up with a behind the scenes after party. I saw so many plays, front row center at Mandy Patinkin, he spit all over us, used Jeremy's phone and did the whole 5 fingered man monologue to me at the end...I almost wished I had killed his father, it would have been a great ending to the night...
I worked for Karamloop. There were always celebrities around, I slaved away to save the imp's business and he was a slave to fashion. Now it's some kind of media conglomeration centered with hip-hop and street wear...Very wise white man....He basically takes little companies, buys the goods, then charges 4 times the amount they retail for and makes millions...He doesn't actually do anything but, he's short and there for feels the need to be respected...It did appear to be a cool job at first.....It was like a hunk of homeless man shit wrapped up in a snicker's bar wrapper....surprising.

I thought Flour was going to pan out...I really did but, sadly, I was wrong about that too...I have been fairly lucky in love and I am starting to think that "jobs" are my "shitty relationships"...They have to happen in your life, some people have bad luck with hair dressers, or shoes or boyfriends....I have bad luck with work....

When I was in college, I accidentally rearranged all the the medical records in this one office at Brigham and Womans hospital....

Anyone hiring?